i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
