I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
