i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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