You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
