I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
