Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So much rum. So many feels.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
