You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
