And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
