im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
