He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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