I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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