Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
