I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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