I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
