yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize