remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
