This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
