So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
the liver wants what the liver wants
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
