I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
