I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize