shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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