you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
