she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
