I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
