I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
