i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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