Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
