I hate all girls vehemently.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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