it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
