First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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