$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
