sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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