he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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