I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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