i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
