Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize