I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Who died my cat blue again?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
