Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize