if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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