Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
