I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
