i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
