Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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