my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
