Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
