So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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