So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
