At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
