so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
