Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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