Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
