I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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