I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
