At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
