I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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