And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we're so committed to being not committed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
