Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
did i walk over a car last night?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
