whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
