remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
