Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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