i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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