He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
