she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
