I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize