She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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