remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
