That's intense
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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