I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
