I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
