you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
