Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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