Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
