I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This house was built for laser tag.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
